so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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