what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
