Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize