I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
