At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
