Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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