he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
