after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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