i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
