does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
