Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize