apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the gays at disneyland are vicious
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
