its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
