they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
