Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
high people should be assigned attendants
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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