note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
