Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
