i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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