did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Your dad touched me again.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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