my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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