Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
