Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
