I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
