porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
