Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
