I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize