did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
