i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
