I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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