Don't you send me to vm
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
