the new term for farting is butt boxing.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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