at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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