The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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