My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
