he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize