my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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