I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
