I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
