cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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