and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
