I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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