I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw a hot homeless man
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
