you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
