OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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