I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
