There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
