new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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