with your own penis?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize