ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am one with the molecules
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
