Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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