Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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