He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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