i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
now i know why i became what i already was.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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