I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
