dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
