Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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