That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
