I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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