Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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