I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
