also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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