yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize