i'm signing you up for texting rehab
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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